My Conversation With Little Me (Ridiculous, I Know, But Read Before You Judge Ya’ll)

I’ve had so many AMAZING insights these last few weeks. What began as a desire to get to the core of my handicaps has now become a fierce determination to FINALLY take control of my life. I’ve shifted from being a victim with no control and zero options, to being an empowered and unstoppable force with thunderous momentum. I see possibility everywhere!Everywhere!!!

It’s amazing because just a few months ago I was stuck in my life-long mold of self doubt. I was completely aware of this invisible handicap, and I even knew how it came about. Yet still, it held me back. Ironically, my breakthrough happened at the suggestion of my mother during an icky conversation from the past. I basically called her to tell her I was a mess and it was her fault (I’m sweet, aren’t I?). We yakked up the muck for a while, but soon we started talking about the core of my problems and what could be done about it. She suggested I grab a picture of myself as a kid to have a conversation with little me. Totally cheesy, right? I concur! But despite the immediate whack job label, I felt completely compelled to do it. As much as I couldn’t bear to admit I would even consider the idea, I was totally in love with it. The second I got off the phone I grabbed the picture and sat down on my bed for a heart-to-heart.

The tears began welling up as soon as I looked into my eight year old eyes, and I told myself everything I needed to hear back then. “Your suffering has nothing to do with you. Yes, you have to endure some tough times and you’ll hear some very painful things, but it will all make you stronger and wiser than you could ever hope for. Things are going on that you can’t understand, so just know that it’s not about you. You just happen to be caught in the middle of it. Life will give you many challenges and you’ll be alone for most of them, but you’re going to rise above it and come out better than ever. Because you ARE good enough. You have what it takes, and you’re going to do amazing things. Never believe differently.”

Pretty ridiculous that I’m sitting on my bed and telling all of this to a school picture, huh? But it was so powerful! The process was incredible because it allowed me to step back from the beliefs put upon me from my childhood. It finally clicked that I believed I was pathetic because I had been told that, but it wasn’t any fault of my own. My former beliefs were finally separated from my current belief system, and I realized they weren’t actually beliefs butexperiences. Experiences that had been interpreted personally and incorrectly. As soon as I finished my little chat with my old self, I was immediately freed from my self doubt and negative talk. I haven’t gone back to that way of thinking since!

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Since moving on from my old beliefs about myself, I’ve been able to realize that everything boils down to belief and determination. If I believe I can do it, then I can. If I want to do it, I will. It seems insanely simple and it really is;once one gets over their self doubt.

Now I’m in a whole new world of thought where I see everything because a matter of focus, determination, and belief. I can now believe that my wildest dreams are now completely within my grasp. Before I looked around and only saw limits and “no’s.” Now I see possibilities, excitement, and “yes’s.”

I’m now working on making my dreams happened, and I currently have this honed this down to a four step process.

  1. Ask: What do I really want? Why? (I try to aim for the general greater good with dilemmas)
  2. Focus: Remember this goal as often as possible. State the desire as much as possible, especially at times of frustration.
  3. Envision: What will this look like and feel like? What general pleasures will it give me?
  4. Believe: If you know it’s possible, then the only thing stopping you is YOU.

Whenever I find myself feeling uneasy or desiring something, this is the process I find myself turning to. It can be something as challenging as dealing with my fiesty ex, or something as enjoyable as imagining goals for the future. Whenever I catch myself feeling down I state what it is I want. Not only does this keep me productive, but it gets me to bow out of my pity party so that I can get back to thinking that actually serves me. It’s got me so efficient that I don’t even recognize myself! I love it!!!

The one constant in life is change. Live it up and show yourself who’s boss!

-Ash

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